BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! I woke up and crack some eggs and toss it in a pan. I then look at the clock and notice I'm already almost late and I still need to get gas. I run to my 1997 Cutlass Supreme and turn on my G-Eazy mixtape. I stop by the gas station and grab my normal breakfast pizza and coffee with Redbull. I go to the counter and start buying. I see some lottery tickets so I buy a couple. I get back in my car and start heading to work. As I pull into the White House driveway, I show them my card so I can get in. You may be wondering how I have a job at the White House. Well, I’m the plumber. Sounds like a bad job, but President Trump knows me personally. As I walk to the bathroom to fix some pipes, President Trump walks by, I shake his hand and casually say, “Suh Dude?”
He looks at me and says “How's it goin’ Charles?”
“The names actually last name ever first name greatest.”
The Presidents said, “Really because I heard my daughter calling you Charlie this morning at bekfast?”
I said “She talks about me, I mean oh yeah your daughter what is her name because in my phone her name is just Rihanna and her ringtone is ‘Work’.”
I looked and the President and winked. That's when he and his body guards started beating the crap out of me. I left without a rib, a pinky finger, and a job.
I go to the hospital, and they patch me up. The doctor looks at me says “You lost a rib and a pinky finger, good thing it wasn’t an eye otherwise we have had to call you Fetty Wap.” I was in no mood for jokes because I just found out these bills put me in debt and they’re taking my car. I turn my T.V. on and on the news the anchor says, “There has been a lottery ticket sold that is giving away a new Chevy Camaro.” I grab my card and yes I had the numbers. I call in they said I need to meet them at the Chevy dealer in Austin, Texas. I’m completely broke and have no friends, so there's no way to get there. Then it hit me. The doctor turns around and I see his wallet. I snag 50 buckS and head down to Walmart where I buy myself a new Huffy bike. I steal some Twinkies and Honey Buns and pedal away.
I am on my way to Texas. I have been going for about 2 hours now and I’m not even to West Virginia yet. I take my shirt off because it gets a little warm. Two hours later I begin to regret that when I get move my arms and look like a tomato. My phone starts to ring. I answered “Hello.”
“Hey this is Monica Lewinsky and I heard you're heading down to Texas.”
I said “I am what's it to you?”
“Well I’d say we have something in common we were both kicked out of the White House.”
I said “I got to go.”
A trucker stops and says, “ You’re that plumber that got kicked out of the White House? get in.”
I got in his truck and he took me all the way Oklahoma. I thanked him and I was on my way. I hopped back on my bike and began to ride again I passed a T.V. store and I saw myself on the T.V and a caption on the bottom that says “Plumber on his way to get his Camaro on his bike his deal with the Camaro is almost over he needs to get there in 4 hours and it takes 7 hours to get there how will he do it.” I freak out and start pedaling until I can't feel my legs. Two hours go by and I just made it into Texas. I’m making great time. I check my watch and it says I have two hours and i’m three hours away.
I finally arrive and the Guinness the book of world records is packing up. I asked “Uh what you doin.”
They said “You missed it by one second I’m sorry good luck next time.”
“NEXT TIME? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THAT WAS AWFUL.”
“I’m sorr,.” He said.
I walk into the dealership and they say “AY it's my boy let's go get your car.”
I was like a kid in a candy shop at that dealership. The guy takes me all the way to this back room and there was a Camaro with a sheet over it he looked at me and said “Want to do the honors?”
“Nah,” I said.
I pull out my phone and open my Snapchat. I get ready to check out my new ride the guy starts to pull the sheet off a smile starts to grow on my face then the smile slowly started to fade. It's like a unicorn threw up on it. It's rainbow colored and it’s convertible. Which doesn't seem too bad, but I'll have kids walking up to my car asking for ice cream! The worst part is there is snow in the forecast for the whole drive back.
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